Sandwich generation

There is a term called Sandwich generation. This term stands for those couples who find themselves not only taking care of their children, but also their own parents. My parents are dealing with this right now in their lives. They have one child who still lives at home, and my dad's father now lives in their care. I have seen negative and positive affects from this situation. I will focus on the positive. I have really seen the family come together, not only my own siblings with our parents, but my dad's family in particular. Since Grandpa has moved in, not only have I watched dad and grandpa grow but we have the other siblings in my dad's family come and visit. Which in my life time is extremely shocking. Dad's side of the family is small but rarely seen or heard of. I didn't really know my dad's parents well at all, but for some reason helping care for my grandpa and listening to him and Dad tell stories made everything so real. My dad's siblings now come to our house to see Grandpa, which makes it easier to spend time with them and get to know them. Both of my parents have learned some new skills in taking care of grandpa, and they have come together often when they need to switch roles and have dad watch grandpa for a day. Service keeps popping up everyday, including me finally being able to serve my mom when she needs to run errands or take a nap. It's been a great challenge that has opened many opportunities for growth in my family and extended family.

I discovered something very interesting this week in class. Many times when a family member chooses to take in a substance, we blame all the problems of the family and relationship on that substance. For instance a couple has a divorce and the dad is a drinker, many of us would think "of course they divorced because of the drinking" when in reality the negative relationship between husband and wife caused the husband to drink. It is very rare that people pick up drugs or drinking just for fun. Almost always these substances are used in a way to "help" the person cope with what they are struggling in. The substance comes along when their is already a problem in the family.

Continuation on importance of Mother's staying home......

During our class this week we were talking about Mother's who get "bored" or "want to contribute" to the family (as if being the mother of kids and taking care of the house doesn't already contribute and get rid of boredom) so they decided they will help bring in some extra money. They go and get a part time or full time job with every intention to only be apart of that job for couple of year to just bring in extra money. What we came to find out though through research this week is they don't bring in any extra money at all. As a matter of fact they are bring in less then they did before with just Dad working. This is because this "extra" money goes to paying for babysitters or day cares. It also goes to putting the children into activities, or buying a better car. Momma can't come home and make dinner like she use to so now more of the money goes to eating out. And now that the family supposedly has more money they can buy nicer things. Do you see where all the "extra" money is being used up? In the long run it would be cheaper and they would have more money if Mom just stayed at home and did what she is suppose to once you have kids.

The Importance of Mothers in the Home

I would like to just start off by saying anything a woman learns is needed in her home, whether this is a college degree or simply what her mother taught her. I do believe there are many of those who waste their precious gifts of being a homemaker and mother of their family. Who think staying home and taking care of the house and being there for the kids is “boring”. They feel left behind as if everyone was invited to run the same race except for them. These women are missing the most important part of their lives. Honestly what’s the purpose of the Plan of Salvation if the women are not supposed to stay home? What are we missing out on anyway with staying home? I feel I will have the best in life watching my children grow up and learning what special spirits I was blessed with. A stay-at-home-mother does everything but be “mind-numbing”, everyday brings new issues that Mom has to constantly be aware of. I asked my Mom who, has been a stay-at-home-mom since she had her first child 35 years ago, if she ever had a boring day or ever felt she could have done more for herself and the family if she continued her education. She told me there is nothing she could do outside the home that would move her emotions, push her mind beyond comprehension, and motivate her more, then staying home with us kids. I believe we should continue education, only when we have taken care of our children and they no longer live in the home anymore. Forgive me if this may seem forward or rude, but I believe when mothers spend time on education rather then their own children they are being extremely selfish. A working mother is totally different, and there are times when in order to take care of children moms have to work as well. I’m strictly talking of moms who stay in college while their children grow up. I am so grateful for my mother who has continually put us kids first. Because of her I am who I am today. Motherhood is about being selfless, we are given children to teach them, and raise them knowing who they are. If we are caught up in classes, homework, tests, and projects, how do we expect to give the full attention to the little ones who need it most?

It is interesting to me how many times I get caught up in this mind set that the events around me cause my actions. This is not true. We get to choose the way we react to any event, by changing the way we think and feel about it. Funny as this may sound I suffered from depression, and many other problems and addictions that young people suffer from. As I struggled getting over these problems I didn't just want them to be numbed by medicine or live my whole life as a lie. I wanted them completely gone, and I felt in order to accomplish this I needed to take the time to get over them myself. I didn't realize it then but I was continuously changing my thoughts when I would struggle. As I kept up on making my thoughts positive my feelings were changing, which changed my actions. I had to tell myself over again and again that I was good, and beautiful. I recognized that my original thoughts were untrue, and that is the first step.
The main point in sharing any of this is to prove that you are not controlled by events, rather you control your own reaction and what you think on event. If you don't like who or what you have become, change it. If you have the power and will, you can become anything you want to be.

        My Dad would always buy my Mom flowers or call her often to let her know he was safe or on his way home. One thing I admire greatly from him is he never hesitated to us girls how much he loved Momma. There was a couple times when I was going through hard relationships that he would sit me down and tell me how much he loves my Mother. At first I use to think "how cute Daddy loves Mommy" but now as I have found better relationships, including the best which is marriage, I understand what my Father was hoping I would take from these talks. To understand how important it is to have a man who loves me so greatly. I have never doubted my husband's love for me, nor the love my Father has for my Mother. It has helped all of us kids understand the importance of love, and know that we can find a man or woman who has that love for us forever.

When Children come into a marriage usually marital satisfaction goes down and continues to go down more with every child. It stays low till the first child leaves, then it continues to go up till the last kid leaves and stays at that high. This is extremely common for people who are married. How some of them find happiness and stay happy with each child they have is by constantly involving each other during the pregnancy. As the baby is coming along making sure that every decision you make brings the two of you closer, rather then further apart. One thing we talked about being a big problem with the actual birth of the baby, is when the father is not involved with the baby's birth. Many times when it comes to the birth it seems this is a time for the Mother of the daughter who is having the child to bond, when it needs to be the other way around. This is specifically a time for Father and Mother to bond while the child is coming. When we have moments like these and push Dad away, we start to build a wall between the married couple. The more we cling to someone else other than our spouse, we end up blocking out our spouse more and more. We need to cleve unto our spouse. If we are not willing and trying to do this, why in the world did we marry the person anyway?

"Marriage is crafting, not found"
                                     -Bruce A. Chadwick

As we went over the four different types of love I couldn't help wonder where marriage fit in.
4 Types of Love
*Agape- Charity, compassionate, companion-ate love
*Eros- Physical, lustful, sexual, romantic love
*Philia- Friends, brotherly, a specific person love
*Storge- Parent-Child, commitment and emotion/responsibility, connection love.

I came to the conclusion that we need 100% of all these different kinds of love. How can we stay and grow in love if we don't have connection, or commitment with romance? We need charity to look past the weakness both of you have, while also having a sense of deep friendship or closeness with that person. I believe you need all these "types of love" in order to make a marriage work for forever. Love is not just something that once you have, you have for ever, or even something that just appears. Through growth we gain love. "Love at first sight" might be better put "major attraction at first sight". As you get to know that person love grows, and can continue to grow till you can't even describe in words how you feel for that person. Over all we need an even balance of all these types of love, even though there will seem to be days when one matters more than the other. I don't think Love can necessarily be taught because it's our own choice to love and recognize that, but love does stem out of simple things like kindness, friendliness, and similarities. Love is an amazing thing and a necessity of life and relationships.